Have been struggling with myself on deciding if I want to write/post this article. It feels very personal and it’s scary to share something that seems to follow you around quite frequently but also is not really talked about a lot in society. You might have a few friends that you have these deep conversations with, me, I usually keep those feelings to myself. In the end I decided to go for it and share as I think it’s important to make you realize you are not alone.

Moving abroad is already scary and obviously I knew I wouldn’t know anyone and be alone for a while and that’s ok, that feeling of being alone wasn’t as scary as the excitement that I felt for a new fresh start. New adventures and whatever I would see and do in that new country. Now 8 months in I am still feeling quite lonely sometimes especially when I miss my family. I guess it helped that I made a couple of friends and that I met someone, yes a guy, I know such a cliché, but it happened and we are having the best time.

Still when I am alone and sitting in my apartment, I feel lonely and the happiness is not quite here, yet. The other day I was sitting at the beach, it’s been such a beautiful day, I was looking around and saw so many people enjoying themselves, having fun, chatting away, me by myself wondering what to do with myself and if this is the right place for me to be.

Do you ever feel like you are searching and searching but never quite feeling as if you have finally arrived? And it made me wonder what am I searching for exactly. Happiness surely but where is this happiness that everyone keeps talking about. Is it a fairy tale and I should finally grow up and realize that this is just life and there are up’s and down’s and not every day is beautiful? Living in an amazing place with palm trees, with the sun out almost every single day, with lovely people in your life, a family that loves you, with a job that you care about, it seems like I have everything, so what is it that is missing for that final straw of happiness and the feeling of having arrived?

And then I keep thinking do you also feel alone sometime even though you have so many people around you, what is that all about? Is that simply a sign that those people might not be the right people for you or that you don’t have much in common? Or is it you not trying hard enough to fit it. What does it even mean fitting in? Wearing the same things, having the same hobbies, the same dreams and passions. I guess so in a way.

As I was sitting there on the beach and watching all of these people wondering what their stories might be and if they feel the same way I realized I am wasting another day with well I guess overthinking things. We overthinkers life is not easy for us, laughing a little, but what would be a life without overthinking, wouldn’t that be quite boring also?

Moving here I thought that I would find what I was looking for, that happiness that seems to be somewhere out there but not quite reachable. Do I just keep searching, I feel like I have been doing that for a while..

It’s like you travel and you have fun and you see all the things that you dream of and have had on your list since what feels like forever and then you stand there and you see it and the feeling doesn’t quite overwhelm you. You make up so many things in your head and you put them on a pedestal and then you realize actually it’s not that special, glad I saw it but we can go now. I mean how many times that happened to me, I can’t even count, is that comparable with happiness, who knows.

Thinking back didn’t I come here because I was so unhappy at home too? I did actually, how is it that this feeling of unhappiness keeps following me around and no matter how much I try to keep the positive it always seems to be in my brain somewhere.

How do you just live in the here and now and not think any further than tomorrow and just be happy. How do you enjoy yourself without wondering what the next best thing might be? How do you just be here?

Back then when I started gathering all my things packing for my new adventure, I was happy, well scared mostly. In the end I committed to this new adventure, a new city, new people and who knows what else might happen. What really made the move was me not being able to get rid of that feeling that I am stuck, and I am only 30. I can’t be stuck at 30 that’s just not a good sign. The US has been on my mind for quite a while and I guess if I hadn’t gone, I would still be unhappy over there as well or wake up at some point with regrets not having gone. So I am glad I did that at least now I know that it’s actually really not always greener on the other side, as “they” say.

Do you ever feel like you have all these questions in your head and nowhere near an answer? I know I have to work on myself and I am responsible for my own happiness, but where do you begin?

Actually, writing has helped me a lot, I can only recommend it, write down your thoughts, how you feel, how your day has been and trust me you will feel better immediately. At least for a little bit and as I am writing this post, I actually realize that I am happy, but you just cannot be happy 24/7. You just have to learn to deal with the not so happy days or hours. You need to find something that makes you happy in your everyday life and it’s not something that you buy or have in the future, it should be something that helps you be you and grow. Yes other people might help you realize your potential but they won’t show you what your path should be and how you will get there. All these people in your life are guides but in the end its you that needs to do the work.

And I am changing to positive now because I have realized that every piece of writing might it start with a dark string of thoughts it should move into something positive because positive is what makes you feel better, so focus on your positive thoughts, meditate, eat your favorite food, or snuggle up with a book or take a walk on the beach, whatever works for you. I’ve come to realize that the best days are when you just focus on you and the things you love the most and believe me those things don’t have to be big at all. We all have shitty days, we are overworked, all private stuff that is happening all day every day and every other influence that you have from the outside world. Sometimes you just need to cry and let go and move on, and I know how difficult that sounds, especially when you are not a big crier. No, it does not make you weak it means you are letting go of things that you no longer need to carry. Life throws things at you, and I strongly believe it will only throw things at you, you can handle and things that make you stronger and will help you grow, I strongly believe that this is true, I guess I have to so that I can believe things happen for a reason and I am strong enough to handle everything.

I recently went on a weekend trip, into the mountains and I remembered how much I missed hiking. Hiking one of my favorite things which I guess you realized reading my last blog but it just made me realize that nature, and good company, people that make you laugh and time to yourself is all you need to make you feel better. I came back feeling like a new person totally refreshed, not physically we did a lot of hiking and exploring and what not, but mentally. Mentally I felt like a new person, and it might stay a few days or a few weeks you just have to make the best out of it and keep doing those things that make you feel that way.

Eventually…

you realize that it’s not where you are, or what you got, or how you look like or whatever else you see out there, it’s who you have around you that makes you happy, feel at home and safe at the same time, those are the important things in life and I am writing this to remind myself of that, of how little it takes to come back down to earth and think of the important things, but also for you guys, as I am sure you all have those days that make you feel like crap. Find what works for you and use it to your advantage and to quote one of my favorites from Gaby Bernstein, “the universe has your back”, that you can trust for sure!